Self Forgiveness on BREAD
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear bread
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define bread as ‘unhealthy’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that emotions determine the functionality of my body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be Enslaved and directed by the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enslaved and directed by thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enslaved and directed by hope, faith and trust in thoughts.
Thought is a distraction, a completely useless distraction that inhibits me from taking responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself as inferiority, self-judgment, giving-up and hopelessness by creating and emotionally investing in ‘healthy’
nobody likes loosing their investments
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be Enslaved and controlled by ‘desire for healthy’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into justifying healthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself with self-pity
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself top participate in healthy to hide from my fear of ‘death of my ego’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear existing without my ego
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define healthy as ‘responsible’ and ‘superior’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me as: ‘miserable’, ‘worthless’, ‘pathetic’, ‘disgusting’, ‘unacceptable’ for not being healthy and for eating unhealthy things.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear unhealthy things because I fear being judged
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become obsessed with these values that I have attached to unhealthy foods
So, its becoming pretty clear how I designed and developed this eating disorder of mine- i did not not intend for the self-forgiveness to come to these points. I will do self-forgiveness on eating sugars and treats as how the system ‘inverses’ on itself when ‘healthy’ is no longer ‘charged’.
okay:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define treats as bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from me as bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for eating treat-food
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression because of my self-judgment
this is interesting, because what I just got up and ate pizza (bread) that my father has left out- knowing that I do not need more food. In the middle of self-forgiveness on eating disorders, I ‘fade’ into my mind and allow the eating disorder. How much more obvious do I need it...
alright. So, that’s very helpful. There was a point where I intended to not type what I had done- and now that it is out it is extremely helpful to see that my self-judgment is not even ‘in appropriate context’ with what needs to be done to solve this.
Dear god... suppression has fucked me.
Okay.
So now that I have this point fresh I can walk through it again and see what is going on:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me as being worthless, a looser. -because I eat food to entertain myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my father’s binge eating habits.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for eating like I have judged my father for eating
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist completely enslaved and possessed by ‘superiority and inferiority’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become programmed to value and only consider my reality from within the box of inferiority vs. superiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my father for what I have done to myself after having learned it from him
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny who I am as inferiority.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress and try to ignore and hide from who I am as inferiority, because through using the ego I see that I can exist in this illusion that appears like ‘i have the choice to be something better’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from this world in choice and individuality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define choice as freedom. Choice is not freedom, choice is not freedom, choice is the dedication to my willingness to maintain my ability to control a shared reality to suit my interests no matter what the cost.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand definitely in this world because I do not want to take responsibility for the apparently ‘unthinkably monolithic’ amount of ‘problems’ that I would have to face in that decision.
eating can be sorted out with two simple rules:
1. Eat when I am hungry
2. Stop eating when I am full
