breathe. I have noticed how I have spent 2 years existing existing in complete and utter self-neglect and self-abuse. Always existing in the hope that tomorrow some kind of salvation would come to me. This took the form of a worshipping of Desteni and the faces associated with it, a fear, actually of the abuse I was aware I would allow to be do to me from others.
This was apparently "the problem"- that I was afraid, but no it was actually the self-judgment. That is where I am required to stand.
the fear is a point that shows me what I am allowing. continuing to judge this fear as an inadequacy in order to separate it from myself, so that i can actually continue existing in an illusion that says: "I do not have to stop. I do not have to stop now and forever, because there is nothing I can do."
"but how do I know that I should stop?"
No. I do not allow this, I know this to be the mind. I want to go into an explanation because
"but how do I know that I know that that was mind?"
No. I do not allow this. I am here. This is what is real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become abused by this mind. I direct. I will. I will direct.
