This is from a video I was going to put up, where I was talking about observations I had of mainstream music. In the video- the point of “having a harem of females” came up. I reacted to this and then wrote this in response. (I ended up not posting the video, I considered it a waste of time in the current of equal money)
I notice how I separate myself from and judge masculinity. More than anything else- the reference to the "glorification of one male having a harem of females" -- what does that say about me? -That I would prefer to portray and create the appearance that I am separate from such a desire, "separate" from the perspective that I (apparently) want to be 'the one who stands aside and separate' from such a desire and judges it -- It says that I am not accepting the desire as Equal and One with myself and I am existing in denial of who I actually am as Life, all expressions of Life are me. So why do I want a harem of females? I want this experience of being "unlimitedly sexually accepted" - because in my life so far I have experienced much sexual suppression from my mother and then myself. This insecurity in me has been supported and nurtured to mutate within me in school. So- "having a Harem" stems from how insecure I have become with myself as Life itself, how I am still seeking to hide from this world behind a mask of mask-ulinity and therefore would be "interested" in having an experience of "ultimate masculinity" as ‘a man’ with ‘unlimited sexual expression’ and ‘unlimited confirmation’ of himself as 'a man' by 'unlimited women'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex as greater than me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being abused for being not able to participate in the sex system
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate me from sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as 'the entity which judges sex' - not noticing that i judge sex as I have judged myself in relation to sex
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in sex from a point of fear from losing my male ego
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to use female in order to charge my existance as a male ego
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a vampire
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex as evil
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex as power
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want power over others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as evil for having sexuality exist within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress sexuality within me for fear of being rejected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being rejected by my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design myself after my mother's judgments
